I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
