I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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