i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
