My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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