i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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