friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
