His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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