She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
