I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
