just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
