Just cropdusted the office
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
pray to the hookup gods
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All the doctor said was why
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
