hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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