Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
