we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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