I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
