the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
