Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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