the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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