I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
