I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
