So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
