I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
