omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
