i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
