Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
