Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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