What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
