Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize