i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
