I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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