is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
