Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
