No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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