Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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