I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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