i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
