Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
