I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
