the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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