i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
