You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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