My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
