If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
