just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
