I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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