She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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