I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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