I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
