I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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