no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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