just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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