Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
