i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
