i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
