at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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