i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
