peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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