Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
