saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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