I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
