I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
