Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize