My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
