Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
