i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
